Redding Police seek World's Best Thief

[rhoenix]

Evidently, police in Redding, CA are seeking any and all information on this thief, who was caught in action on a grocery store's security camera briefly. They released the camera footage to the public in the hopes of catching this nefarious sticky-fingered mastermind.

[youtube][/youtube]

I can guarantee you've never seen another human being with this much thought in planning, or ability to plan on the fly.

[Josh]

Truly a criminal mastermind on a par with some of my relatives from an unnamed state directly to the north of Texas.

[frigidmagi]

This is the problem with being in the same nation as Texas. There's no legal way to keep them out of your state.

[Josh]

This is the problem with being in the same nation as Texas. There's no legal way to keep them out of your state.

Yeah, if it wasn't for the able assistance provided by Texas law enforcement all your cousins would still be walking the streets as free men.

Sorry 'bout that.

[frigidmagi]

You're aware I don't like my cousins? Nor do they like me.

I was unaware arresting people in Texas for crimes committed in Texas was a Oklahoma state trooper responsibility. Besides finding Oklahomans in Texas is easy. Look for people who have a similar accent but can string together sentences at a high school level as opposed to grade school. Then see if they understand basic traffic laws.

[SirNitram]

You're aware I don't like my cousins? Nor do they like me.

I was unaware arresting people in Texas for crimes committed in Texas was a Oklahoma state trooper responsibility. Besides finding Oklahomans in Texas is easy. Look for people who have a similar accent but can string together sentences at a high school level as opposed to grade school. Then see if they understand basic traffic laws.

That last sentence puts them head and shoulders above Ohioans.

[Josh]

Then see if they understand basic traffic laws.

Acting like there are basic traffic laws would set them apart around here.

And go easy on the cousins. Hell, given that everyone in Oklahoma is related three times over we're probably cousins.

Then again you're right. I don't like most of mine either. Fuck the cousins.

Though if you really think about it, you, I, and Cyncat are probably all the distant issue of some Scotsman who got dragooned to Ulster, was rejected by the most assimilative people on the earth and shipped to Georgia, where he took up with a squaw and resumed stealing his neighbor's horses and helping the occasional sheep over the fence.

Now if this were to be true and we were to have a mitochondrial Nevin, the fact that three such uniquely warped lines issued from one man's odiferous and soiled loins would indicate that he was one distinctly fucked-up individual.

[frigidmagi]

... The odds are kinda in your favor there.

I'm really not sure how I feel about that.

[Josh]

... The odds are kinda in your favor there.

I'm really not sure how I feel about that.

I did sort of head straight for the nuclear option there.