Apparently Someone Died and Made Rick Santorum Pope

[rhoenix]

Did you know that when Rick Santorum lost the Republican primary this spring, he became Pope of America? It's a little known clause in the Constitution that allows any crazy person who runs for President and wins at least one primary to declare themselves King of something as a consolation prize. Rick Santorum has chosen to crown himself King of Morality. And he's declared Obamacare a sin.

The sexual orifice-obsessed ex-Senator from Pennsylvania explained to the 12 people still wearing cross stitched SANTORUM 2012 sweatshirts who have been following him around since January (they're like people who followed The Grateful Dead, except they smell like self-righteousness rather than weed/sweat/patchouli) that Obamacare, a program designed to make health care more affordable to the poor (who Jesus was a fan of), is actually something that will drive Catholics to confession from the sinning it will cause. Said Santorum, at an Ohio campaign event for Mitt Romney:

We have a president who, for the first time in American history, is directly assaulting the First Amendment and freedom of religion. He is going to tell you what to do in the practice of your faith. He is forcing business people right now to do things that are against their conscience, that they will have to – if you're a Catholic – you'll have to go to confession … to confess that you are complying with a government program that is a sin in the Catholic Church.

When Mitt Romney was the governor of Massachusetts, the precursor to Obamacare he championed while in office covered not only the evil sin-causing emergency contraception, but also abortion.

Maybe Rick Santorum should go to confession. Or school. Or away forever.

Yes, this politics news story is mostly fluff. But, it's hilarious fluff to me.

"Obamacare will... make you do stuff that will make you have to go to confession!" = lol wtf

I'm seriously beginning to think that most "upright" and prominent self-titled Conservatives are all massively repressed perverts who assume the entire world has the same issues they do.

[Josh]

Oh, that's definitely the case for a lot of moral zealots. You can tell what fixations certain people have precisely by how they condemn things. I think it was Falwell back in the eighties who sent his son into the bathhouses in Frisco to take pictures that were 'too disgusting for TV', but you could buy 'em.

Basically, he was peddling gay porn. Nowadays he could've just gone to the net to get his fix.

[Batman]

From what I recall the part of the US Constitution dealing with freedom of religion basically says you can believe every damned bit of garbage you want, nothing more. It doesn't say you get to ignore the law because your sky pixie says it's okay.

[Josh]

Not that I want to come anywhere near defending Nehemiah ScudderSantorum, but he's not arguing that people ignore the law. He's arguing that the law forces people into inherently sinful behavior.

He's still a hateful artifact of about two centuries ago, though.

[Batman]

Sucks to be his religion then. The law says you can believe that garbage to your heart's content. If that includes having to do penance for having to follow laws massively more sane than those of your religion, you're welcome to leave for the Middle East, where the 13th century is still in fashion.